Tuesday, December 05, 2006

I repeat, change is NOT good !

[ Okay, I feel not-good, so this is going to be a sad, whiny post.
Still reading? Don’t say I didn’t warn you.]

On days when I don’t have school and I’m just sitting at home doing nothing, I get the feeling that time’s passing me by… I’m watching my life go by…it’s natural to feel a bit in limbo, I suppose because everything’s rushing by so fast, just a few days ago was the first day of 11th grade and now the finals are looming close…but then there were so many things I’d thought to get done, so many experiences I’d vowed to have, that I can’t realize somehow that I’m seventeen now. Almost grown up. I’ll be casting my vote next year…..but I don’t feel any different, any older.

Things I’d thought I’d do:
Get a casual job after 10 boards
Write my Thamma’s memoirs (don’t grin, they’re hilarious)
Redecorate my room and learn to cook, learn spanish, learn the guitar, learn shorthand, something
Write stuff and send it places
Really study for once…
After watching Rang de Basanti : Change the world (ok, tall order, but a little change, maybe?)

But all I do is:
Read. (the same books over and over again now that my British Council membership’s expired)
Go to school and come back, all in a sleepy trance.
Watch Friends
Watch the OC
Watch Seinfeld
Watch cartoons (in hindi for god’s sake)
Watch …you get the idea.

And I somehow don’t feel that’s going to change anytime soon, just because I’m gonna be 18 or 19.)

And in the meantime, everything is changing around me, leaving me behind…my cousin twin’s family might be getting transferred which would be horrible, other cousins are gonna go off to study and I love the bunch too much, Mitra’s gone to Ashok Hall leaving a huge gap in the fraying sisterhood,... they don’t show Lois and Clark anymore on Pogo…so basically the (more or less) picture perfect idyll I’d been living in the last few years is breaking down, piece by piece, like I always knew it would.

I just didn’t realize it would hurt this much…