[ Okay, I feel not-good, so this is going to be a sad, whiny post.
Still reading? Don’t say I didn’t warn you.]
On days when I don’t have school and I’m just sitting at home doing nothing, I get the feeling that time’s passing me by… I’m watching my life go by…it’s natural to feel a bit in limbo, I suppose because everything’s rushing by so fast, just a few days ago was the first day of 11th grade and now the finals are looming close…but then there were so many things I’d thought to get done, so many experiences I’d vowed to have, that I can’t realize somehow that I’m seventeen now. Almost grown up. I’ll be casting my vote next year…..but I don’t feel any different, any older.
(ON A DETOUR:
Things I’d thought I’d do:
Get a casual job after 10 boards
Write my Thamma’s memoirs (don’t grin, they’re hilarious)
Redecorate my room and learn to cook, learn spanish, learn the guitar, learn shorthand, something…
Write stuff and send it places
Really study for once…
After watching Rang de Basanti : Change the world (ok, tall order, but a little change, maybe?)
But all I do is:
Read. (the same books over and over again now that my British Council membership’s expired)
Go to school and come back, all in a sleepy trance.
Watch Friends
Watch the OC
Watch Seinfeld
Watch cartoons (in hindi for god’s sake)
Watch …you get the idea.
And I somehow don’t feel that’s going to change anytime soon, just because I’m gonna be 18 or 19.)
And in the meantime, everything is changing around me, leaving me behind…my cousin twin’s family might be getting transferred which would be horrible, other cousins are gonna go off to study and I love the bunch too much, Mitra’s gone to Ashok Hall leaving a huge gap in the fraying sisterhood,... they don’t show Lois and Clark anymore on Pogo…so basically the (more or less) picture perfect idyll I’d been living in the last few years is breaking down, piece by piece, like I always knew it would.
I just didn’t realize it would hurt this much…
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6 comments:
Things I’d thought I’d do:
work as rikshaw mechanic
write a book on "the cobbler"
learn latin, learn the guitar
Write poetry.. n good poetry and get some appreciation..
read lottttaaa books.. watch lotta movies.. properly.
After watching Gladiator/last samurai:save the past.. n stuuf like dat
vel.. all i can say is.. all dat dnt matter 2 me nw.. nw im jus 3 days old!
heehe..im livin life alllll oooveeerrr again.. startin frm the start..discoverin y i like bread jam, flowers ,kabootars,aftrshaves..etc etc.. u noe.. :D
n im in 12th nw.. boards frm march 1st.. n den ill vote nex year.. hopefully aftr some thought.
thanks..I was really down when i wrote that post..sympathy from strangers is the best.i need some sort of a resurgence i think.
a "rickshaw mechanic???" sorry to break it ta ya, but a richshaw's not really very mechanical..a lever more like it..:)
oh oh.. u listen 2 floyd.. i doubt.. but i wud like 2 dedicate this song called "time" just 2 freak u out! enjoy :P
*********************************
Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way.
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain.
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today.
And then one day you find, ten years have got behind you,
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.
So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking,
Racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.
Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time.
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over,
Thought I'd something more to say.
vel rick mech sounds bettr..n it has nothin 2 o wid my love 4 physics or nethin.. ders a shop near my house.. n i wanted 2 wrk der.. jus like some of guys of my age u wrked der.
i think somewhere douwn the line we all braek down.. many people do.. its hard 2 genralise but den.. its kinda true.
hey raghu told me about ur blog, and i dropped by..
if things haven't changed.. for the better.. and you feel like things are just not moving, its probably cause you'll start flying in a while.. sounds silly i know.. but save up your energy for all that
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