Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Wish I was alive.

Just as we reached school today, they gave us another week off for the PMT exams to be held. So school reopens on the 10th. And I'm amazingly happy about it. Relieved, even. Which as everyone probably agrees, is so boringly obvious and normal it's redundant to talk about, even on a blog.

I was just thinking, in one of the most powerful scenes in the Fountainhead, of Roark the architect looking at the Heller House being constructed; he's indecently, gloriously happy, revelling in the fulfillment of what he does, his 'job'.
He sees a party of people, out to enjoy one day out of many days of their existence, one girl savagely strumming an ukulele and yelling; "shrieking to the sky their release from the work and the burdens of the days behind them; they had worked and carried the burdens in order to reach a goal-and this was the goal." Roark forgets them in a moment, because he's distracted, transfixed, by a cartload of gleaming cut granite passing, intended for his building.

But I can't forget them, because they're me. They're us. Gleaning a day or two out of our existences to have 'fun', earning a respite from everyday lives, our lives for heaven's sake, to enjoy ourselves. Why is it that we have to be released from our lives to be ourselves, to be 'indecently, gloriously happy'? Why is it that the rest of the time, we're stuck in a closed room writing, like automatons, waiting desperately for the bell to ring and liberate us from what we do each day, that is our life?
I wonder if this void is what death might be like. Familiar, then.
I don't know. All I know is that I was glad today to escape my life for one week more.

9 comments:

raghu said...

wow.. claaassssyyy..god that was good!

yes we escape our life for fun because what we are doing is not fun.. our life is not fun.. its the same excuse for being lazy..you know we say we are lazy to study..but actually its a choice we make.. we choose to watch tv and laze around rather than study.. clearly we like watching tv more than studying..
but relaxing is another thing.. its like taking a break from work so that you can work better after a short while.. either way its best to be honest with yourself and work where you like..its soo important to do what you like.. i thinkw e are going through similar phases.. may be im just out of it.. i hope i am.. but then who knows whats going to happen.

im not quite ready to discuss Foutainhead as yet.. i know im not.. i tend to disagree with a lot of ayn rand.. but i cant justify it logically.. some day i will be able to.. that day we can have fun! :D

its ok ana, its ok if you don't want to go to school.. run away from it for one more week.. run away towards your goal.. find something you like ..it makes life so much more meaningful.. it really does.

but i loved the way you were able to connect the book with your life..i failed miserably.

heh? ok said...

its alright to look for escape, but if all you had was your escape, you'd miss your mundane life as well, trust me..

new age scheherazade said...

I know..but it's not really that..it's like I wish there were no need for escape..if like roark, what we did was our life and we weren't forced into anything else.

@raghu-chameleon.sometimes you're a screwball, sometimes you're a sage.

raghu said...

that's cause you and i would get bored if i were just either one of them.

if u want superman.. try rocky balboa.

raghu said...

how i wish u ver alive :S
aaa naaa.. kaahhhaann hain tuuu :(

raghu said...

get a life..blog now baba.. how long will i havta wait 4 the nex post! :(

raghu said...

prolly they are working for freedom at nights.. that gives them a motive to work ..dnt it?
does it make sense?

new age scheherazade said...

no. why not work because they like it..and the money's an adder perk. ah, for an ideal world.

raghu said...

see they dont have money to party all the time.. so the work in the days to earn their freedom to party in the nights.. i guess it wud work if the accept that its wat they are doing..na?